this happened during my first year final exams. after writing the first exam, i found out that i am not going to pass the paper. i totally broke down to tears, since i used to score good till then. i searched for my friends for some consoling words. they were discussing within themselves abt the paper. ofcourse it was tough for them also but they were sure to pass. when i approached them, they found out abt my performance, but they didnt say a consoling word. i was standing there along their side,my eyes flooded with tears with them while they were still discussing. and they realised i was upset, jus said ok usha, shall we go? that second i found out, i am standing alone .
i remembered the words my senior told me when we were arguing abt friendships. i told him that everyone has a close friend, who will be for us forever. he told me , no thats not possible.
suddenly, i found out that maybe thats true. but within the next few minutes i found out no, its not true. only my friends were not true to me, but i was true and friendly to them till now(but now they are really good friends to me). what really happened on that day was a lesson to me, bcos i found out that there are really times, where i have to stand alone and face it. after my friends talked to me that way, i jus could not take two failures at a time, when suddenly a class mate of mine approached me. he said," why r u crying? its ur fault that u didnt prepare. see naanga ellam azharoma enna? athanala ozhunga adutha exam pathi yosika arambi"
i realised two things, one , its my fault that i didnt prepare, second, boys can also be good friends. another incident was when we planned for a one day trip to mahabalipuram. i was ready to go. i asked my friends abt their plan. they said their families wont allow. so i told them ok i am going. then they gave me a look like 'r u a friend to us?' i realised that they didnt want me to go. so when i told my other classmates that i wont be coming, bcos my family wont allow, they didnt believe. they knew that my parents werent that conservative.
my parents knew abt my friends both boys and gals. so they gave me a 'we knew it' look and so the trip went on without me. i totally got angry when my friends asked me 'why didnt u go?' i wanted to shout 'well, its bcos of u two' but restrained from doing so. i also found out that one of the two friends chose to hide from me the news that she was in luv with somebody, that too for past five years. the news reached me after the whole class knew abt it. i got enraged'ok thats the limit' i asked her face to face abt it. she told me that since i had once said that i dont believe in this luv stuff, she hide it from me. 'how could u?' i told her. she said,'sorry' and left as if nothing happened.
really the two years in college taught me a lot of things. there was one more incident that took place in my class. there were two girls in my class whose mother tongue was not tamil. i dont want to mention the language. these people have a tendency to switch over to their mother tongue suddenly, when they dont want us to understand what they are saying. this is a common tendency i have seen particularly in those people(not only in college). these two girls usually travel in the same route with me and my two close friends. one day they particularly started avoiding us saying that they have some notes to be photocopied.
so we went on without them. next day we somehow found out that they have indeed xeroxed some very important papers that would help us to score high in exams(which was actually given to them by our lecturer for the whole class). they chose to keep them by themselves.
we were totally enraged over their selfishness. i could not tolerate these kind of things. i usually have the tendency of asking anything face to face,regardless of who the person is? i told them we were ashamed to have friends like them and how they degraded themselves by such a act.
everytime i manage to find a good friend and when the relationship goes well, something happens and thatsall i am forgotten by the friend. it happened to me always. when i realise someone as a good friend, i can jus do anything for them. thats my tendency. so most of my friends used me and dumped halfway. i will feel like i am a fool, i could not take these kind of relationships. maybe i didnt have the luck of getting good friends. maybe i am expecting too much of truth from my friends. but inspite of all these bitter experiences i managed to have some really good friends. and only one close friend, my cousin anamika.