Wednesday, May 24, 2006

friends - easier to make, tougher to maintain.

friends can be of two types. one, who is truly a friend to us, who can be depended on at anytime, anyplace eventhough we are not in touch for a long time. second, one who is always around us but not very close to us. when i was in college, after a year in college i found out that the two friends who i relied upon as close werent as close as i thought.

this happened during my first year final exams. after writing the first exam, i found out that i am not going to pass the paper. i totally broke down to tears, since i used to score good till then. i searched for my friends for some consoling words. they were discussing within themselves abt the paper. ofcourse it was tough for them also but they were sure to pass. when i approached them, they found out abt my performance, but they didnt say a consoling word. i was standing there along their side,my eyes flooded with tears with them while they were still discussing. and they realised i was upset, jus said ok usha, shall we go? that second i found out, i am standing alone .

i remembered the words my senior told me when we were arguing abt friendships. i told him that everyone has a close friend, who will be for us forever. he told me , no thats not possible.

suddenly, i found out that maybe thats true. but within the next few minutes i found out no, its not true. only my friends were not true to me, but i was true and friendly to them till now(but now they are really good friends to me). what really happened on that day was a lesson to me, bcos i found out that there are really times, where i have to stand alone and face it. after my friends talked to me that way, i jus could not take two failures at a time, when suddenly a class mate of mine approached me. he said," why r u crying? its ur fault that u didnt prepare. see naanga ellam azharoma enna? athanala ozhunga adutha exam pathi yosika arambi"

i realised two things, one , its my fault that i didnt prepare, second, boys can also be good friends. another incident was when we planned for a one day trip to mahabalipuram. i was ready to go. i asked my friends abt their plan. they said their families wont allow. so i told them ok i am going. then they gave me a look like 'r u a friend to us?' i realised that they didnt want me to go. so when i told my other classmates that i wont be coming, bcos my family wont allow, they didnt believe. they knew that my parents werent that conservative.

my parents knew abt my friends both boys and gals. so they gave me a 'we knew it' look and so the trip went on without me. i totally got angry when my friends asked me 'why didnt u go?' i wanted to shout 'well, its bcos of u two' but restrained from doing so. i also found out that one of the two friends chose to hide from me the news that she was in luv with somebody, that too for past five years. the news reached me after the whole class knew abt it. i got enraged'ok thats the limit' i asked her face to face abt it. she told me that since i had once said that i dont believe in this luv stuff, she hide it from me. 'how could u?' i told her. she said,'sorry' and left as if nothing happened.

really the two years in college taught me a lot of things. there was one more incident that took place in my class. there were two girls in my class whose mother tongue was not tamil. i dont want to mention the language. these people have a tendency to switch over to their mother tongue suddenly, when they dont want us to understand what they are saying. this is a common tendency i have seen particularly in those people(not only in college). these two girls usually travel in the same route with me and my two close friends. one day they particularly started avoiding us saying that they have some notes to be photocopied.

so we went on without them. next day we somehow found out that they have indeed xeroxed some very important papers that would help us to score high in exams(which was actually given to them by our lecturer for the whole class). they chose to keep them by themselves.

we were totally enraged over their selfishness. i could not tolerate these kind of things. i usually have the tendency of asking anything face to face,regardless of who the person is? i told them we were ashamed to have friends like them and how they degraded themselves by such a act.

everytime i manage to find a good friend and when the relationship goes well, something happens and thatsall i am forgotten by the friend. it happened to me always. when i realise someone as a good friend, i can jus do anything for them. thats my tendency. so most of my friends used me and dumped halfway. i will feel like i am a fool, i could not take these kind of relationships. maybe i didnt have the luck of getting good friends. maybe i am expecting too much of truth from my friends. but inspite of all these bitter experiences i managed to have some really good friends. and only one close friend, my cousin anamika.


vishy said...

well things change with time.... but the bad thing is people also change.... I too often wonder how people can just turn of their face... or just avoid u despite having been a good friend....

but yeah I have observed that 2 guys make the best friends.. then a guy and a gal... the friendship between two girls very rarely lasts long....

Bala.G said...

i think you had a tough time during your college days. hope you will find really true friends in the future. I had very nice time in our college. Innoru thadava college life kedaikuma-nu naan yengikittu iruken...i cant forget my (college)friends...

Arjuna_Speaks said...

Usha - this post makes a lot of sense to me - I can feel ur anguish..And its unfortunate that u werent able to get good true friends..I have never been in such a state - since I considered everyone to be my gud friends only and I never expected anything from them! When the expectation thing is in u - u r bound to be disappointed! This holds true for any relationship! But by god's grace - I have friends who listen to me - and the only reason y they listen to me - is because I listen to them (Shuba, Vidhya are such great friends of mine)..So I guess, if we are ready to emancipate love to all - then there wuld be a few - who are ready to reciprocate too :)..So dont lose heart - u will find gud friends too :)..But always remember if u want to live in this ulagam, then u have to be a gud friend to urself :). So dont worry - ok va :)

ambi said...

Hhmm, it's gud that u learned the lesson. just leave it. selfish is a worst thing in friendship.

enna intha postaa ezhuthum pothu how many times shed tears..? he hee, sema feelingu pola iruku..? :)

Gopalan Ramasubbu said...

all these days i thought u r name is Veda.ippo thaan unga name Usha ne therium:P btw exam nalla eluthamudilena yaravathu aluvangala?Vadivel solra mathire chinna pulla thanama illa iruku;)

Ram said...

Dont create too much dependency with anyone excpet ur parents, coz they are the ones who ll be true to you. May be ur life partner in the later stage.

Usha said...

veda, relax panniko, idhellam life-la chinna chinna eye-openers. Bad that you faced a lot of such incidents, but good that you were given opportunities to mature early. Freee-ya udu kannu, blog friends irukom-la, unnai parthukarom :)

Syam said...

Looks like you are good to everyone and expect the same from others...I don't disagree...but it harldy happens in the real life...anyways I hope you will find a wonderful friend soon....

Balaji S Rajan said...

I could understand your feelings. I have experienced the same many times in my life. That is the way the world goes. I have come across plenty of people like that who do not value your friendship. It is really disheartening when we know their true colour. Have you read Swami Sugabodhananda's Manasey Relax please. He had mentioned in one of the chapters about this kind of friendship. Very true. Selfish people. So please do not lose heart. That is what I keep telling myself and my family. We do come across very good people. But those who behave like your two friends (who did not tell you what they are doing and talked in their own language) do exist. They will never realise their mistake. They may think they are smart. IGNORE them. Keep doing good things. You will get good friends. I have wonderful friends from childhood. Ofcourse, as men we do have our own difference of opinion at some stage. Still, we give up our differences for the cause of friendship. World is always full of good and bad. So ignore them and keep going with good things.

Ram said...

Arjuna sonnathu 100 kku 101% unmai...Well said.

btw, nalla alutheenga ponga...yenakku oru paper konjam tough aa question vanthuthu...When i finished the paper, i thought i would just pass...udane paper fulla cross panni kuduthuttu vanthen..yethukku? adutha thadavai chumma soopera yeluthi score pannalam nnu...(antha paper adutha sem 'pass' panrathukkulla naa patta paadu yenakku thaan theriyum :)) athu vera kathai.)

StarofTexas said...

Though no on can go back and make a new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new end.”

Carl Bard

வேதா said...

yes u r rite that people really change and i also agree that men can retain their friendship very easily, but women have a tough time on retaining friendship, bcos of various factors, but still they have their luv for their friends.
no, actually the whole college life was not tough to me. infact my UG college friends were fantastic and still are in touch. only my PG college days were little tougher , both in terms of education and friends. but still i have friends.:)

//When the expectation thing is in u - u r bound to be disappointed! //
thanks yaar. i found out this to be true long back, i live by this truth till now.

yes, selfish is something which i experienced in some of the friendships i went thro.
naan azhuthatha varalarey illa, enga veetula vanthu naan azhuthatha sonneengana athu ettavathu athisayama ellarum declare panniduvanga.;)

veda is also my name. but everybody knows me only as usha. so i retained veda as my blogger name. chinna pulla thanama naan azhuthen-nu ippa thaan puriyuthu(actually i didnt cry, jus upset when i failed for the first time.)

thanks so much for ur comforting words:)


வேதா said...

no yaar, i dont depend on other people, not even on my parents. i try to keep my probs with myself and face it alone.

un anbu pathu enaku apdiye pullarichi pochu, thanks:)

yes u got it rite. i expected the same from my friends. but ethirparpugal yematram thaan tharum enbathai purinthu konden.:)

samething happened here. i failed the exam, but wrote it again and scored high in that paper.:)

@starof texas,

unknown said...

i dont what to speak..
see veda ur not lifela ithellam sakajam...if u see in my case except one all other collegemates(ofcourse my schoolmates too known for almost 8 years) are not close...but still i keep in touch with them..ethuyume nirantharam illa..since ur elder to me i dont want to advice you but still learn how to judge the people..if u dont like the char just move away or make them to realise that they lost a good friend...

"ni entha porulukkaka engittu irukiyo antha porul unakku special aana unakku kidaichcha porulukko ni than special"

value the special thing around forget abt others dear

cheer up,keep smiling and be practical to face any problem..still so many valleys and oceans are there to cross..dont waste ur valuable tears in this silly matters..
take care

வேதா said...

thanks so much for ur consoling words yaar. actually i have started learning things in my life and my college days were a lesson to me in many ways and now i have totally changed and mature enough to handle things.
"nadapathellam nallathirke" is my policy.

unknown said...

good to hear folk..take care..
BTW done my Home work..u can see

shree said...

hmm.. i agree with - 'may be my expectations are high to have good friends'. for me too, inspite of having a circle around me, am always alone. but i feel everything being my mistake.
i veto the statement - 'even guys could be best friend'. well, esp. during teenage or college time, it is just the attraction and nothing else. ok, dont want to comment much about it however

Delhi_tamilan said...

Well, i really liked this post... I could almost relate to what you had to say in this! Hope things are better now with you.... it's my first visit here, and dont know if i will get time to read your other post, but i'll surely do come and visit your blog.. keep writing...

வேதா said...

//during teenage or college time, it is just the attraction and nothing else.//
thats something different shree, i am talking abt really good friends who can also be boys.

thanks and keep visiting.:)

smiley said...

"Men kick friendship around like a football and it doesn't seem to crack. Women treat it like glass and it falls to pieces"
-Anne Lindbergh
hopefully u will find someone :)